The paper which I
plan to revise will be the Arguing a Position essay. My strengths for this essay were that I supported my main points with good, viable information and that my thesis was well written. My weak points are that there is too much repetitiveness in some of the paper, and I sound too biased which lowers my credibility.
The opening paragraph
is very wordy, and contains some run-on sentences that need separating and
rewording in order to make it easier to read. This will also give the reader a
better idea on what precisely the paper is about. I need to not refer to the
assignments given in high school as “pointless” because this weakens my
argument, and instead provide information as to how some assignments do not
necessarily pertain to the lesson, and could be replaced by more productive
work. Information regarding the unfair grading process in high school is needed
in order to back my argument up. One of my body paragraphs is very wordy and
repetitive, so I need to do extensive rewording, and provide more information
that supports the thesis instead of repeating the idea. There are also many
abrupt transitions between paragraphs which need transition sentences in order
to make it flow smoother.
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